Do I always finish last?

It’s really not a good thing to speak about yourself. You are often very biased when discussing matters related to you. I get biased when I discuss my own issues or topics related to me personally. I can go on by saying I think I’m a good person, I try to be nice to everyone, I try to be respectful to anyone. I can say all these things, and I can believe they’re true, and you may agree or disagree. In the end, you can judge from the outside, and I only know the inside. There’s a lot that goes on in the inside, and one thought that always crosses my mind is do nice people really finish last? Do I finish last?

I grew up in a semi-stable household until my parents got a divorce. Things took a different route then. That was when I decided to hide my parents’ divorce from everybody because I felt ashamed, disgraced, and disgusted at some point. This up until this day, still effects everything I do.

Why am I writing this? Because at some point, I thought I was weak, and wished if I could just die and rest. Because I thought I had nothing else to do but cry. Because I thought I had nowhere else to go. Because I was able to find light despite the darkness that surrounded me. I was that light and I helped myself. You can help yourself too. You represent you.

Now the real question is do I really finish last? I try to be the best friend to those I care about, and I finish last by expecting so much. I try to be respectful to everyone, and I finish last because I think everyone will be as respectful. I go out of my way for my friends, and I finish last because my way never meets their way. I think about how troubled my upbringing was, and I finish last because I waste my time looking at the past. I think about how many good things can still come way way, and I finish last because I spend so much time dreaming.

Do I really finish last? I think I do, but I grew out of minding to finish last. I grew out of trying to change to become a meaner person. I grew out of thinking strength comes from treating people the way they treat you. I grew out of believing that people will meet expectations. I finish last, and I’m proud of finishing last. I finish last and I don’t cheat. I finish last and it doesn’t matter what place I finish at. I finish last, and it doesn’t determine how good I am. I finish last and it doesn’t bother me, because I’m lucky to still be in the race of life.

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